i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
