Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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