I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
