i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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