Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm at about main and main street
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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