Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
