A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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