whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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