remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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