I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
