New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
