discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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