I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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