I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
this boner is exhausting
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
