Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
