i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
