If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
