Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
