My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
