So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
