Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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