We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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