there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
