So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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