Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
