I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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