please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
