hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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