Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
