I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
