I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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