the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
