Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize