Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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