Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
