I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Your cock deserves a montage
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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