I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
