Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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