Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
