I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
