well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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