You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
