am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
