and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
