There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
