I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
