You're a womanizer and a bitch.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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