no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
