i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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