I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
