Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
