After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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