nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
