My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize