it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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