I am puke
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
