East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
