I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
