Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
