dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
