best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
