It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
