This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
