My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
and she was petting her beer can
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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