quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
