I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
