you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
