I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
