are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
