All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
