my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
