Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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