god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
