we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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