sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
