I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
