I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
