Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
dude. I can hear the air.
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