did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i now understand why vodka
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
