David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
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