I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
