I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
