get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
