i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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