**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
