this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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