Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
