1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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