there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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