we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
