can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
3pm strippers are depressing
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
